We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
