She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
God, I missed his penis.
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