you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
