Your face is a jimmy john
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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