On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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