i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
