Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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