You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
