Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
