Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
