I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
