A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
You smell like stripper and shame
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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