his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
