remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
