i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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