my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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