i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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