My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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