he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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