Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
