After last night, I could never be a politician.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
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He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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