The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
