I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
someone owes me an orgasm
I love having hate sex.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
