those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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