I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
