She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Randomize
