her vagine was all disorganized.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
