How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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