My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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