I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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