oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
