fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
My liver is preforming stress tests.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
