yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
