I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
