so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
