Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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