He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
