I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
