i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
