idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
We talked him into tasing himself.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
please don't ironically join a cult
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