Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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