Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
