She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
