You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
