You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
