i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
