A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
only you would photoshop your dick
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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