dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
