Got a toothbrush?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
