WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
