For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
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At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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