I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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