So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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