if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
