I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
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How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
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How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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