i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
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Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
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I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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