As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
