Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
