It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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