sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize