My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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