I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
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Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
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We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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