we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
