margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
