Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
