Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
