Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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