Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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