Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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