final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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