Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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