I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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