Where did you get a picture of my penis
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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