living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
