just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
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