It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
