Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Semen is not good for contacts.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
