THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You need a sexual gate keeper
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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