Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
