i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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